i need to change my voicemail

bed; light blue tanktop that i know is see-through; blue stripped sleep shorts; barefoot; hair clip; idk..

 

i don’t know why i’m even writing today.

i just feel like sharing a tiny bit but- with a very select audience.

becuase it’s hard to share when you don’t have any idea how you’ll be recieved or who’s watching, listening, and judging.

 

so then you are carful with your words and how you explain things- which sucks.

it’s really nice to be around people i don’t have to do that with.

i’m so in love with those people i think.

is that what “in love” is.

i wonder if i can say i’ve been in love with things or people before..

i think i have.

they just didn’t feel the same. which is how i got here.

---

it’s not the getting divorced.

it’s not the quitting him.

 

it’s the quitting me who i was, and who i wanted to be, and who i thought i could be- with him.

 

now i’m having a hard time feeling like myself or like i belong or there’s space for me.

 

i think i’ve spent a lot of time making relationships my hobby..

how i need to get a real one.

maybe i’ll start dancing again. i love to dance.

 

i feel like i’m just trying to avoid everything. i walk on eggshells around my fucking self because i know i’m on the edge of something.

i should just let myself fall.

 

but i’m not sure how i’ll clean up this time..

 

what’s going to fix this? what’s big enough?

whats wild enough to make my heart explode again?

because i need that. i need my own adventure.

 

 

i probably need a valid passport first..